Day 127, Here We Go Again

Although I am back to work it is very quiet in the office. It appears a fairly large number of people elected to take time off between Christmas and New Years. Lucky devils! It's not so bad though although I did get used to sleeping in. And being generally lazy which explains why there are still no photos from my trip earlier this month. I'll get around to it eventually...

One hundred seventeen day quit and $878.00 saved according to GetQuit.

Day 124, Lazy Sunday

Biscuits and gravy for breakfast, baking 8 mini loaves of banana bread for gifts, watching "B" movies on TV. And nary a care in the world. Nice...

One hundred fourteen days smoke free and $855.00 saved according to GetQuit. Happy Holidays!

Day 121, It's Getting Close

Hopefully I can take tomorrow off for an added mental health day away from the office. Although I am not "feeling" the holidays I am looking forward to some quiet time. I might even manage to post some comments and photos from the trip. Which, I am happy to report, was nearly effortless on the non-smoking front. It's become normal rather than something I am consciously aware of since mid-way through the trip. How cool is that?

One hundred eleven days (111!) smoke free and $833.00 saved.

Day 119, Back To Work

With a reluctant nose to the grindstone I am back at work after my trip to the great cities of the Pacific Northwest. Although I know Seattle well I always love visiting. And after a whirlwind tour of Portland I can safely predict I'll be back. I don't get out of the office enough!

Thanks to Chantix and stubbornness I am 109 days into my quit and have saved a whopping $818.00.

Home sweet home.

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Ah Family...

Crying babies, excited tots, and barking dogs. Priceless...
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Sad farewell...

It is this some sadness that I depart from Portland bound for Seattle. True, I am anxious to see family and my new nephew. Still, I have so enjoyed my all too brief stay in this fine city. Thanks to many who made me feel apart and at home with special shout outs to Maggie and Bob.
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News flash...

An estimated 300 Santas descended upon downtown Portland last night to the consternation of local bartenders and cab drivers. There was one casualty, a Santa who succumbed to extreme merriment curled up in a pool of wretch on the sidewalk.
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Guess who's coming to lunch...

The lunatic who was circling me at the train station. She was mutilating a mango she brought on board while demanding "Jackie Kennedy killed them all!". Who gave this nut job a knife?
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Snow...

Have not seen it in years. Not like this.
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Free at last...

Lord, free at last.
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Holy Mary

Mother of Jesus, an announcement. Now if only this deranged lunatic would quit circling me!
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Sigh

Nearly an hour late with no estimate my enthusiasm is rapidly turning to dread. I would much rather be home than sit here in purgatory surrounded by insane inhabitants of train depots. What has become of my one and only hard earned break from the burden of daily existence?
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It begins

I am awaiting the bus which will deliver me to my destination. The coastline starlight. I have never boarded a train thus my premature enthuasiasm. Upon my arrival and subsequent orientation I will continue my report.
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Testing...

From my phone.
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Day 107, If Ever It Were "TGIF!"

Well, after a couple of long days and nights and much earlier mornings than usual I am nearing the end of a week from hell. And the extra effort has paid off, at least professionally. I have completed two major projects on time and will polish off the third by the end of the day. Working all the extra hours has minimized the stress and I have to admit I've been so busy I have not thought about smoking all that much. Which is odd 'cause work stress is when I would smoke most often.

Many little chores are left to be done after work then I board the Coast Starlight bound for Portland for a much needed weekend away before heading on to Seattle for a family reunion. I hope every one's holiday's are shaping up and the quit is going well. More upon my return Monday the 17th.

Day 105, Hump Day and Night

It looks like it is going to be a very long day. And night. I'll take a little time for myself once I get home ofter work then start back at it. Sigh - where to begin.

I think the Chantix GetQuit counter is a little loopy today. I count ninety five days smoke free but it is claiming ninety seven with $728.00 saved.

Day 104, One Down Three To Go

I survived another work day and am that much closer to leaving this place and not looking back for a little while. Unfortunately, the terrible storms that have bedeviled the Great Pacific Northwest have caused Amtrak to cancel the two lines I'll be taking. Now, I don't feel too bad because that's just an inconvenience if they are not running by Friday. Bear in mind that five poor souls lost their lives due to these storms. My heart goes out to their families and loved ones.

Day 103, Crunch Time

I have five days to crank out a ton of work prior to my trip North. And it's going to be tight! Plus, I need to organize, pack, and get the apartment ready for my ten day absence. Stress, stress, and a little more stress! But, despite all the stress I am not smoking when I normally would have gone gonzo.

Hope everyone else is having an easier time of it!

Day 100, TGIF?

Super quick post...

It has been sooo insane today that not only did I not post until four in the afternoon I will be working this weekend. Hope I can knock out some good work quickly in the peace of the apartment and salvage something of the weekend.

Ninety days smoke free!

Day 100, One Down...

One major project down and untold more to go. But hey, it's good to feel a sense of accomplishment after so much stress.

Maggie pointed out that there is a disconnect between my post title and the number of days quit. Let me explain. The title refers to the number of days since I started this whole quit smoking thing and took my first half milligram of Chantix. I end each post with a recap of the number of actual days quit, which is ten less. (I quit the tenth day into the Chantix program.)

Ninty days smoke free after having started Chantix one hundred days ago.

Day 99, Happy Hump Day!

I am working feverishly to complete projects in advance of my train trip to Seattle via Portland but I foresee a "train wreck" in the office while I am gone. Company policy is three weeks paid per year and they want you to take them but to date I have taken three days. It’s so hard to get away with so much going on all the time.



Eighty nine days smoke free today!

Day 98, The Down Side...

The down side of such a long weekend is the work is virtually piled up to my eyeballs. I can get pretty stressed out when it's so busy. In the past my smoking would take a big hike to "counteract" the stress. How silly, huh? Now I am trying to focus on the tasks at hand and not get to distracted by what what comes next. Not heading outside for my little breaks really helps with the productivity, too.

Thanks to Chantix and a boatload of willpower I am eighty eight days smoke free today.

Day 97, This Is A Test...

I trust we all survived the holiday with our quits intact.

I for one had the most difficult challenge to date. Having been invited to Thanksgiving dinner I could not really complain about the timing which seemed odd to me. Two o'clock is a good time for dinner which allows you to nibble and pick all day and into the evening. But my host decided dinner would be served at six o'clock. Six came and went as sides were baked and wine was poured. Finally, we sat down to the very tasty and much appreciated meal at nine o'clock. (N I N E!) Everyone, six in total, enjoyed a full and proper plate piled high with everything "Thanksgiving." And upon finishing the last morsel five of the six of us pulled out packs of cigarettes and lit up in unison! It was quite a sight to behold and believe me after such a meal I really could have smoked one but I stuck to my guns and enjoyed the company and another glass of wine.

Today marks 87 days quit and $653.00 saved according to the Chantix GetQuit support page.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope you are enjoying the company of family, friends, and loved ones this Thanksgiving day.

Day 92, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry...

Yet another brief post 'cause I am trying to get enough done that I can take the whole weekend off. I imagine you are all busy preparing for the big holiday. Fortunately I have been invited to a friends home so I am down to bringing a couple of quick appetizers and a bottle of wine for good measure. Although the assembled guests are all smokers I am confident I will be fine. Have a great Thanksgiving with family, friends and loved ones!

Today marks eighty two days smoke free and $615.00 saved.

Early Communication About and Ongoing Safety Review: Varenicline (marketed as Chantix)

This was posted on the FDA site today. Early Communication About and Ongoing Safety Review: Varenicline (marketed as Chantix)

Day 91, Ugh...

Very quick post today. When it rains it pours and I have far too much to do if I want any sort of break for Thanksgiving. It has been ninety one days since I started the Chantix thing and I have been smoke free for eight one of them. I'll be honest; I don't always like it but I am stubborn and am not giving in to the occasional desire. Hope everyone's quit is going well!

Day 90, Like a Wednesday

I get both Thursday and Friday off so today is almost like a Wednesday. And a couple of friends invited me to Thanksgiving dinner so I'm going to enjoy a proper meal instead of the frozen TV dinner I was planning. Of course I'll have to endure a bunch of filthy smokers but I am sure it will be very nice.

A couple of nice round number to report today: 80 days smoke free and $600.00 saved.

Fighting World Hunger With A Mouse Click, Web Site Gives 10 Grains Of Rice To World Hunger Per Click — And That’s Adding Up - CBS News

Check it out. (I believe the server is getting hammered after the broadcast so be patient.)

Fighting World Hunger With A Mouse Click, Web Site Gives 10 Grains Of Rice To World Hunger Per Click — And That’s Adding Up - CBS News

Day 87, Happy "Fly-day"

The local paper mentioned that today is the busiest day of the year for San Francisco International. Although I will be staying home for the Thanksgiving holiday I know many people are traveling to meet family and friends. "Safe Travels" to all those poor souls who will be battling the transportation system this Thanksgiving.

I am wrestling with a decision today. My normal routine, and I do seem to love routine, is to drop by the old watering hole for a beverage and the pleasant company of the local regulars. Today there is an informal company function after work which, if I attend, will nudge me out of my routine. What to do? Either way I will be free of the need to plan my evening around smoking.

I realized GetQuit stopped asking if I have taken the Chantix as directed, to which I answered no for the last six of the twelve week program. Now it just asked if I have smoked as though it was an option. Ha! Today marks seventy seven days smoke free.

Day 86, Add Another One...

Last night was my second Movie Night. As I mentioned last week I elected to watch "Naked Lunch," primarily an adaptation of the novel. David Cronenberg wrote the screenplay and directed the film and did a surprising job given the difficult sources. (As anyone who knows of the author, William S. Burroughs, or has read the damn thing can attest.) I especially enjoyed Peter Weller's performance as Bill Lee. I cannot recommend this film if you are not a fan of "Beat" lit or history of the period. After two weeks on this theme I think I'll take a departure. Any suggestions?

Add another one - according to GetQuit today is seventy six days smoke free and $570.00 saved with a 7-day average urge of 2.8 out of 10.

Day 85, We're All Quiters Now...

It's official. My dear friend D has also quit smoking. She is the last of three of us. Tom went first and has been quit for something like six months. He went the Chantix route too. Then I did and now D reports she has finally given them up. (Tom and I were hardcore smokers and had been since our college days. D was not as faithful to the craft.) Now when she returns from Korea we can plan our antics around more than "where do they allow smoking." Yes, there are places in San Francisco that you can smoke. Think prohibition and speakeasy's.


Today marks seventy five days smoke free.

Day 84, What A Day!

I am pretty tired after a four and a half hour conference call first thing this morning. Can you imagine how I would have reacted to being forced to sit at my desk that long before I quit smoking? I might have "gone postal." Now I have to get back to real work after loosing the first half of the day.

Today marks seventy four days smoke free and $555.00 saved thanks to Chantix and a whole lot of willpower.

Day 83, Back to Work...

Finally it seems to be getting easier. Up until this past week and especially weekend I experienced a near continuous yearning for a smoke. Of course the physical addition is long past so it must be the habitual part still tugging away at my. But that seems to have lost its grip somehow because this weekend I really was not all that bothered by it. Saturday was rainy and gloomy all day - a reminder of what's to come. Thankfully Sunday surprised us with a pleasant blue-skied sunny and nearly warm day. The only disappointment of the day was the Colts game.


Thanks to Chantix and stubbornness I am seventy three days quit, $548.00 saved and my 7-day urge to smoke is down to 2.8 according to GetQuit.

Now back to work!

15 Minute Lunch: Strap in, shut up and hold on. We're going back.

O.M.G. - I just had to share this:

15 Minute Lunch: Strap in, shut up and hold on. We're going back.: "link"

Day 80, Up and At'em

Yet another Friday has thankfully arrived. Where did the week go? I had trouble sleeping caught between two competing dreams. Not vivid Chantix dreams but crazy none-the-less. In fact one was set in the same place as one of my more memorable Chantix dreams. Go figure. (The other was a work dream. You know those kind? When you start having work dreams it's time to look for change. I've had them all week.) When I saw the clock was near 5 AM I decided to start the day early. On the way in to work I reluctantly paid $3.63 a gallon for gas. And this was a cheaper neighborhood place, not one of those gotcha right off the freeway, highway robbery places. Ouch! Bend over!

Well, I checked in with GetQuit and I am TEN whole weeks smoke free today. This may actually stick, huh? (Too bad that $525 I've saved is going straight to some damn Saudi and fat cat Big Oil executive.)

Top oil executive was paid on average $144,573 per day.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Day 79, Thursday is "Ugly Betty" Night

I decided to make Wednesdays "movie night" to help get through the cold gloom of winter. Routine comforts me so having that to look forward to should help. Yesterdays selection was Drugstore Cowboy a critically acclaimed film which I forgot how much I enjoyed in the past. There are a few parallels for me personally, too. One, it was set and at least partially filmed in and around Portland Oregon where I will be enjoying an all too brief weekend next month. (Very excited about that.) In fact, I understand the hotel I will be staying in was used as a location for the film. The subject matter is not for everyone, though. It deals with addiction, something I realized about myself back on Day 24

I realized that although I thought cigarettes were a close, constant, reliable companion I was in fact a freaking drug addict. A (partially) socially acceptable addict but a damn drug addict none the less. Really! Who wants to be a drug addict? Cigarettes did not make me attractive or desirable or calm my nerves or relax me or any number of other reasons we thought we smoked. They owned me and I paid for the "privilege" with money and my health.

I also really enjoyed the Great American Raconteur William S. Burroughs who plays a small role, rather a caricature of himself. Still, you gotta love "Old Bull Lee." In his honor I think I'll watch Naked Lunch next week.


Thanks to Chantix I am sixty nine days smoke free and $518.00 saved one day at a time.

Day 78, How Time Flies...

Here we are again, the middle of the week. While I have been bemoaning the pace with which the days pass, they seem do so more quickly with the coming of winter. Fortunately, thanks to Chantix, I will not be held up in an enclosed apartment stinking to high heaven of cigarette smoke nor will I be one of the huddled masses standing outside in the cold rain puffing away. Ha! Something worth celebrating.

Sixty eight days smoke free and (conservatively) $510.00 saved to date.

Day 77, Daylight "Savings?"

How was every-ones first day on "daylight savings?" It was odd for it to be o-dark-thirty by six. Despite continued urges and tuggings I am hanging in there although I wonder how I will fair during the oncoming winter. Each year I get into a bit of a funk after a month or so without seeing the sun shine. Yes, we have moderate weather; it never gets terribly cold. The trade off is that gray, fog and rain sets in for long protracted winters.

Sixty seven days "free" and $503.00 saved thanks to Chantix and a lot of willpower.

Day 76, Blue Monday...

The weekend came and went far too quickly. I ended up working half a day Saturday and was thoroughly lazy the rest of the weekend. We enjoy unseasonably warm weather but that didn't help my mood. And boy did I have urges to smoke. But I am begrudgingly remain Chantix and cigarette free - sixty six days now.

Day 73, Happy Friday!

Wow - where did the week go? I know, I sound like a broken record but really...

For some reason, this morning I was thinking about how habitual I am as I wake and prepare for work. And how that has changed since Chantix and I quit smoking. My Lord, I would get up at three in the morning for some water and a smoke. Then at six for a smoke while watching the morning news to catch the forecast. Then after showering and dressed still waiting for the weather forecast. Then in the car on the way to work. That would be four cigarettes before work at seven in the morning. Can you imagine?

Sixty three days smoke free and $473.00 in the 401(k). Have a great weekend everyone!

Day 72, Nothing to Report...

Posting later than usual as I have nothing to report aside from my continued progress Chantix free. Sixty two days smoke free now and aside from the occasional tug doing just fine. How's everyone else this first day of November? (Can you believe it - November already?!)

Day 71, Happy Halloween!

In addition to being Halloween today is the two month mark for me. Two months smoke free and I lost track of how long it's been since I took Chantix. (I tapered off and quit the drug before the prescribed twelve weeks.) So far so good!

Last night I was watching television after a good meal when it hit - a five point six earthquake in the South Bay. I've been through my share of quakes but this one was a roller that lasted a while. The kind that makes you think "Should I put on some proper clothes?" "No, really, maybe I should get up in case this one is serious." If you have to stop to think about what to do it is no small quake. Of course it was not serious but a reminder that eventually the next big one will come.

Day 70, Hangin in There...

Something about the numbers on GetQuit stand out today - 60/$450.00. Sixty days smoke free and a not inconsequential $450.00 saved. Think I'll treat myself to a little dinner out. I've been wanting to try the special at Home just blocks from my apartment. Otherwise feeling a bit better today but it is still early.

Chef's Early Bird Special

Everyday, from 5 pm to 6 pm.

3 course prix fix menu & glass of wine.

Ask your server about today’s special.

No substitutions, please.

Day 69, Dragging...

I don't know what is wrong but I can hardly stay awake this morning. I got plenty of sleep but today I am just dragging! Which makes Monday even worse than normal. Aside from Friday's concert it has been an uneventful weekend. Anyone see the 49'ers Saints game? Painful...

Fifty nine days smoke free and $443.00 saved.

Day 67, Rare Weekend Post

Well I did something last night I had not done in y e a r s. I went to a concert. A very loud, hot, sweaty, "rock" concert. And it was great! I met a nice woman there and we hopped in a cab after the show in search of a night cap. It is extremely rare for me to meet someone with similar taste in music let alone know and love these obscure bands. So what a pleasant surprise. However, it all comes with a price and today I am paying it if you know what I mean.

Specific to this blog the great test was her choice of bars for our nightcap - Amber lounge. It is a rare legal smoking bar and believe you me people take advantage of the opportunity. Of the whole messy half drunken crowd yours truly was the only person without a cigarette hanging from his lips. Thanks to Chantix and a lot of willpower.

Fifty seven days smoke free and $428.00 richer.

Day 66, Friday Already?

I was busy yesterday and (obviously) didn't post. The transfer/promotion is final and I moved to the new department. It is peaceful and quiet and I can focus on the tasks at hand. And they tend to treat people more like valued professionals. There has been no specific discussion around salary so I don't yet know if that has changed. I do know Human Resources did a market survey for this wholly new position so it will be interesting. Hope it didn't go down!

(Ah-oh, I think someone put "leaded" in the decaf this morning.)

Fifty six days smoke free and $420.00 saved and still flying solo (without Chantix).

Day 64, Wednesday Already?

"Hump day" again already. I am so busy in the office I barely notice the time fly by. Fortunately keeping busy helps with the quit. Having quit the Chantix prematurely I am experience more frequent and stronger desires. Something akin to "tuggings" on the Maggie scale, I think. Nothing I can't handle though and I remain stubbornly smoke free.

GetQuit reminds me I am fifty four days smoke free and $405.00 richer.

Day 63, Wagon Ho...

I have been planning a trip North to Seattle for some time. Come late November I'll be an uncle again and have been looking forward to meeting my new nephew and celebrating his brothers third birthday. And, rather than hop on a flying bus for the trip the idea of a train ride took root. I have never taken a train and in my research I learned of the "Sleeperette" - a little room for sleeping and relaxing in private. Well, how fun is that? The train leaves San Francisco at about ten at night and arrives in Portland at about four the next afternoon. And I believe the scenery en route is spectacular. I could continue on to Seattle but as I have never experienced Portland I wanted to stay a couple of nights as a mini vacation in a vacation. After much searching I discovered a great hotel downtown near the Pearl district. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to the time away from work and worries and just relaxing and decompressing and exploring another city.

What does all this have to do with quiting smoking and Chantix? When I started all this I was still smoking. I can't tell you how I dreaded the idea. I wanted to take the train and have a weekend in Portland but one thought continuously ran through my mind: "How can I possibly survive the train trip?" The train is non-smoking and the only chance of having a cigarette is during stops when there is a designated smoking area. Not all stops or platforms allow smoking, according to my research. Well, I was dumbfounded and almost fearful of the idea. Not have a cigarette when I wanted or needed one? On vacation? On a train? I couldn't do it. I wouldn't.

But now I am.

Fifty three days smoke free and $398.00 more in the 401(k).

Day 62, Happy Monday!

Is it me or do the weekends seem to just disappear? We had surprisingly nice weather so I spent a fair amount of time out and about. Also managed to cook dinner Friday with a friend, a little shopping, fantastic brunch at the nearly world famous Dottie's (grilled cornbread and jalapeno jelly - yum!) and a failed attempt to fix the cantankerous door handle on my old Jeep. Through it all I remain smoke free and flying solo having quiet the Chantix early.

Fifty two days smoke free and $390.00 saved. (I am putting my savings into the company's 401(k) plan.)

Day 59, Almost Two Months...

I started taking Chantix fifty nine days ago and quit (ahead of prescribed duration) two days ago. Still, I have managed to remain smoke free for forty nine days now. Nothing much to report; looking once again to a quiet weekend and a little extra rest. Strangely, although I have quit the drug I have woken the last two mornings at around three. I thought it was a fluke but it happened again this morning. After a while I manage to sleep until the alarm sounds but still. All that complaining I did about Chantix messing with my sleep my not have been fair. I am under more stress than usual; maybe its that.

Bought gas this morning which I do every six weeks or so. (I live really close to work and drive little otherwise.) Ouch, $3.35 a gallon - bend over! Just two weeks ago the same station was $3.18, a bargain. Clearly the run up on crude is affecting the local pumps.

Have a great smoke free weekend everyone!

Day 58, Getting Good At Quiting

I forgot to bring my Chantix to work yesterday. Since dropping to half a pill a day I was taking it after lunch. By the time I got home I felt OK so I didn't bother taking it. I still feel OK this morning and left it at home so I'll try quitting which makes yesterday my first real day without it. No serious cravings although I think about them (cigarettes) occasionally. I suppose that is to be expected given that I smoked thirty or more times a day for over twenty years. Thoughts of such long-ingrained habits are slow to fade.

Today marks forty eight days smoke free and $360.00 saved.

Day 57, Too Much To Do...

It's Wednesday already and my calendar is filling up with meetings and deadlines. Hopefully, I can buckle down and get some real work done so I can relax this weekend. My job is a little too much sometimes which was one excuse to have a smoke. "For the stress" I thought. Yea, adding to it! Well I have a mountain of things to do so I'll leave you with "Happy Hump Day!"

Forty seven days smoke free and $353.00 saved.

Day 56, Better All the Time

After my "drug holiday" Friday I have not consistently maintained the one milligram per day of Chantix. For the past two days I have taken only half a pill and seem to be fine with that. I also quit taking the Wellbutrin after all these years and feel better. I often felt like hell and wondered if the antidepressant was contributing to that. So it seems. Anyway, I am starting to feel like myself again without all the drugs. Now if I could muster the will to get to the gym...

Forty six days smoke free and counting!

Day 55, Happy Monday...

Just where does the weekend go? I feel as though I just left the office and here I am back at work.

Friday I took a drug holiday. That is, I did not take any of my prescriptions. It was amazing how well I felt Saturday. I didn't realize how all this damn drugs affected me. No, I can't stop taking all of them but the Chantix can go as well as the so-called antidepressants. Am I ready to fly solo? I don't know but I don't like feeling so "off" so I will try tapering down from the one milligram per day I started last week to half that. And the Wellbutrin is next.

Forty five days smoke free and $338.00 richer.

Have a great week everyone!

Day 52, TGIF All Over Again

Day two of the half dose of Chantix also went well. Yesterday after work I did a couple loads of laundry and enjoyed leftover lasagna before Ugly Betty. Since I started an hour early today for a conference call I went to bed early last night. And boy did I dream! Of the three or so main dreams the most memorable and surprisingly pleasant was that of a flight out of SFO headed to Indianapolis. We didn't make it. In fact, after a protracted and wild attempt to escape the effect of freak tornado's we managed a safe crash landing in the San Francisco bay. It was the most intense roller coaster ride I have ever experienced. If commercial airliners can endure what this one did then hats off to Boeing.

Forty two days smoke free and $315.00 saved, according to GetQuit.

Have a great weekend!

Day 51, Still Full!

My first day on the half dose of Chantix went well. Perhaps I thought about smoking a little more but suffered the "off" feeling and poor sleep less. After work I went to a friends house who is infamous for cooking enormous quantities of good food. We had been planning a lasagna dinner for a while and finally made it happen last night. Of course, ten pounds of lasagna smothered in home made bolognese sauce would not do. While the lasagna baked and bubbled away in the oven we made a scallopini "appetizer" out of thin-cut pork cutlets he had pounded out ahead of time. Yum! Breaded, fried pork covered with mozzarella and bolognese stacked two high per serving. In my opinion this was a meal in itself. (I am not a big eater.) Plus delicious little red, yellow, and green stuffed peppers. Needless to say I waddled home a few pounds heavier with leftovers to boot!


Today marks forty one days smoke free and $308.00 saved.

Day 50, Cutting Down

Last night I took only half the Chantix. As mentioned yesterday I have decided to give one milligram per day a try. For some it has been the "sweet spot" and I am hoping it will mitigate some of the side effects while providing the welcome assistance during my quit. I managed to sleep so well that I overslept this morning so I had better set the alarm again. (Not usually a problem.) I really think the combination of Chantix and Wellbutrin has caused me some unique issues. Hopefully that will be a thing of the past.

Forty (40!) whole days smoke free and $300.00 saved. For some reason I like seeing multiples of seven and ten pass by. Just seems more like a milestone I guess.

Day 49, Can't Go Back

Last night I elected to skip the evening dose and managed to sleep very well without the aid of Benadryl. Not a very scientific approach with only one data point but hey, I got a good nights sleep. So now I am considering cutting the dosage and taking a half milligram morning and night as I just feel "off" when taking the full dose. I could run this by my doctor but it takes a couple of weeks to get in to see her and I know she has little experience with Chantix. Who knows...

Anyway today I am thirty nine days smoke free and I have not spent $293.00 I would have otherwise. No real cravings but I do have the persistent feeling that I miss them. But we can't go back now, can we.

Day 38, "Blah..."

Well Monday has arrived too soon as always. I had a reasonably productive though uneventful weekend. Apparently it is Columbus Day and many are off. Lucky...

Not much to tell; pretty "blah" today. But I am happy to report I am smoke free for 38 days now. I am about half way though my second-to-last weekly pack of Chantix and have been thinking about forgoing the third month and tapering down with the final pack. Lord knows it has made quiting easier than I though possible but I am not pleased with the side effects and taking drugs in general. Just a thought...

Day 36, Steady As She Goes

The cocktail party was canceled due to a death in the hostess family so I dropped by the local watering hole and had a few with the regulars after work. A quick bite to eat and a little television and I was in bed early and slept well. This morning I am knee deep into the chores and about to have a little breakfast. Looking forward to getting the apartment spruced up and ahead of the game for the work week.

Thanks to Chantix I am thirty six days smoke free and $270.00 richer.

Day 45, TGIF!

Thank goodness it's Friday. And I have a full dance card this weekend. This evening after work I have been invited to a little post-work cocktail party. Nothing fancy but a chance to meet friends new and old. Tomorrow I will attempt to cram a weeks worth of chores and errands into a single day then Sunday I am volunteering for a local charity at a neighborhood street fair.

Through self medication I managed quite a bit of sleep last night. A couple extra glasses of wine and a Benadryl works wonders. I did have one long, surreal, convoluted Chantix dream. At certain points I was dreaming in my dream. And with such visceral effect I had trouble sorting out real from imaginary this morning. In fact at one point I woke with a start believing, feeling that the events in my dream within a dream were in fact very real. Of course they were not but it was unnerving.

Since I am not going home right after work and will be drinking I elected to take public transportation this morning. It was such a pleasure to be among people and see the city with a leisurely perspective for a change. I just missed the MUNI J line so I took an historic F line car which noisily makes its way down Market Street. I forget to appreciate where I am.

Thirty five days smoke free and $263.00 saved according to GetQuit. It's good to be reminded of that, too. Have a great weekend!

Day 44, A Kings Ransom for Some Sleep

I would give a kings ransom (whatever the hell that means) for some honest sleep. Note the time this post hits. Before 2 AM if I type fast enough. I normally go to bed between nine and ten at night and wake between five and six in the morning. Not because I like it that way, I am nocturnal by nature. My job requires it. Now, I have ways of forcing sleep through self medication of alcohol and lately Benadryl but the effect the next day is awful. So last night I tried it more or less au natural. I am beginning to hate Chantix. No, I don't want to go back to smoking. That really has not been a problem since my quit date. But damn!

Day 43, Back and Forth...

Yesterday I beat the alarm by over an hour. Today I hit the snooze four times. Back and forth, up and down. (More Chantix dreams but nothing memorable.) Oh well, at least I am thirty three days smoke free and $248 richer. Now if only I could muster the will to get to the gym...

Day 42, Cranky Today

I'm somewhat cranky today and notice I get that way more often lately. It does not help that my promotion seems to have fizzled. Yesterday was supposed to be my first official day in a different department. I have had meetings with my new manager, whom I like, and packed up my desk only to discover there is no new desk assignment. So I am in limbo of sorts. This is after three and a half years of hard work and toil and frankly below market compensation. But it is a very good, stable company. So I was looking at this as appreciation for my patience. Grrr...

Long, crazy Chantix dream last night. Sad too though not for me but the people I was trying to help. A very dysfunctional family with serious issues. Weird, huh?

32 days smoke free and $240.00 saved...

Day 41, Now Get Back to Work

Well, the weekend ended far too soon and I am back at the office. According to the helpful GetQuit "dashboard" thanks to Chantix I have been smoke free for thirty one days and saved $233.00. Woo hoo - a whole month! It was a little tough being on a mini vacation with a smoker. Especially considering all we did was eat, drink, and sleep a lot. The fresh cool air surrounded by redwoods was very conducive to sleeping in. I nicknamed the cabin "the tree house" 'cause it was eighty four freakin stairs up the side of a hill. And with windows all around you looked out into and down upon the forest. I'll try to get some photos posted. But sadly for now it's back to work.

Day 38, I'm Off...

I am only working half a day so I can hit the road and beat the Friday commuter traffic. Naturally I am running behind and trying to pack a day's worth of work into a hand full of hours. I managed to sleep pretty well without Benedryl but also without my other prescriptions. I wondered what the effect of a belly full of various medications was doing so I elected to take only the Chantix. Of course I can't continue doing that but it was an interesting experiment.

Well, I am off for a quiet weekend. I wish us all continued success with our quit. See you Monday.

Day 37, Much Better...

Last night was so much better! I took a Benadryl before bed and with one brief exception slept through the night. I think Benadryl is pretty benign although it "drys me up" so I needed some water about an hour after going to bed. Otherwise I enjoyed a nearly restless nights sleep and oh the Chantix dreams! For example I've never sat in nor considered it but I believe I know what it is like to drive the obscenely expensive BMW 7-series ALPINA. And boy is it fast, scary fast. Of course the events leading to my taking this test drive were approaching surreal.

Twenty seven days smoke free, $203.00 saved according to GetQuit.

Oh, and my request for half of tomorrow off was approved. Yea! I'm getting the heck out of Dodge for the weekend! (That makes a total of two and a half vacation days this year. Jeez!)

Day 36, Toss, Turn, Repeat

Well I thought I was over the sleep issue but last night proved me wrong. By midnight I was up then back in bed and back and forth until about three. I remembered I had some Benadryl which can help with sleep so I took one. Apparently it worked or perhaps it was just exhaustion but either way I slept well afterward. In fact getting up was an issue. And the dreams. Very vivid and a little odd. Even "R" rated at times although not at all erotic. I'll try Benadryl before bed tonight and see if I can sleep undisturbed.

Day 35, I've Been Better...

The weekend fit my mood. The weather was overcast and gray and Saturday it rained half the day. Uncommon for San Francisco this time of year. Similarly, I was in a bit of a funk. Probably brought on by the weather but also recent events: the end of a failed relationship and extreme burn-out at work. Lord I need to take some time off!

According to GetQuit I'm twenty five days smoke free and $188.00 saved. Sleep is a little toss-and-turn but otherwise cruising right along...

Day 31, Three Weeks Smoke Free

Three weeks smoke free and I feel great. Now that the nasty flu like cold is practically gone and the pain is slowly subsiding. I may even finally make it into the gym. The only thing I have to complain about which may be a side effect is I have been waking up earlier than necessary. I love to sleep and it used to be the morning hours before rising for work were the best for some reason. Not any more. And it leaves less time for those entertaining Chantix dreams.

According to GetQuit I have saved $158.00 and the little meter indicates my seven day average urge to smoke is 2.8 of 10. Not bad, huh.

Looking forward to another smoke free weekend. Enjoy...

One Month On Chantix

One month on Chantix and twenty days smoke free. I had to open a new box with the four weekly packs this morning and thought "Do I really want to keep taking this for two more months?" Really, at this point why can't I do this on my own? But relapse is unacceptable and the drug is so effective I guess I'll stick with it at least for a while.

Has anyone stopped taking Chantix before the twelve week prescription and stayed smoke free?

Day 29 Today Is A Little Better

The pain may be subsiding a bit or perhaps it's the Ibuprofen. Either way it is manageable. I think I'll give it a couple of days and if it does not go away on its own I'll get a doctors opinion. (I am not convinced it is related to Chantix.) Otherwise, not much to report other than one more day behind me. That makes nineteen days smoke free.

Day 28, What A Pain...

Eighteen days smoke free, most of which I have been sick with a flu or nasty cold. I am finally shaking the sinus blockage and pressure and now something completely different is ailing me. I feel like a quarterback who was blindsided and got sacked. You know, one of those big guys puts his head down and crushes his shoulder into your ribcage. I have near constant pain in my left side. When I breath deeply or sneeze or cough or move suddenly - whamo! Real, serious pain. There is no bruising to indicate injury. I didn't fall down and go boom over the weekend. So where the heck is this coming from? I hope it is not a side effect cause I am happy with the results. Still I did look up some information from the Pfizer site and found this tucked away in the "full prescribing information" for doctors:

MUSCULOSKELETAL AND CONNECTIVE TISSUE DISORDERS. Frequent:Arthralgia, Back pain, Muscle cramp, Musculoskeletal pain, Myalgia.

Huh, sounds familiar. Now I am not going to jump to any conclusion but...

Also from the same document:

GENERAL DISORDERS AND ADMINISTRATION SITE CONDITIONS. Frequent:Chest pain, Influenza like illness, Edema, Thirst.

How many of us have experienced Influenza like illness? And I find the disclaimer interesting:

Following is a list of treatment-emergent adverse events reported by patients treated with CHANTIX during all clinical trials. The listing does not include those events already listed in the previous tables or elsewhere in labeling, those events for which a drug cause was remote, those events which were so general as to be uninformative, and those events reported only once which did not have a substantial probability of being acutely life-threatening.

Day 27, Survived Another Weekend

Well, it's Monday morning after one heck of a weekend. A roller caster of sorts with serious ups and downs. Despite it all I remain smoke free and actually thought to myself "I'm so glad I don't smoke" a couple of times. Walking up Hayes street toward Alamo Square being one of them. Whew! I would get seriously winded before. Not so yesterday.

During trying times I gravitate to my first home in San Francisco and old stomping grounds, Hayes Valley. Although it has changes over the years it still holds a very special and dear place in my heart. It's always good to go home.

Day 24, Two Weeks Smoke Free

Two whole weeks smoke free already - where does the time go? I am pleased to report that it has been much easier than I imagined and given that I have faith I will succeed. According to the little meter on the GetQuit site I have saved $105.00. Not bad. I still check in daily with the program and occasionally do the activity. Between that, attempting to post daily here, and follow the progress of other quitters I am regularly reminded of my goal. Many thanks to all those who have chimed in with support and encouragement.

So last night, between curious Chantix dreams, I realized something. Lately I had been reminiscing about and somewhat romanticizing smoking. I realized that although I thought cigarettes were a close, constant, reliable companion I was in fact a freaking drug addict. A (partially) socially acceptable addict but a damn drug addict none the less. Really! Who wants to be a drug addict? Cigarettes did not make me attractive or desirable or calm my nerves or relax me or any number of other reasons we thought we smoked. They owned me and I paid for the "privilege" with money and my health. Jeez!

Day 23, Ho Hum...

Almost two weeks smoke free and I am noticing a change in perspective or attitude. The "I'm going to tackle this thing and win!" is giving way to "whatever." Last night while watching the television I realized how many nights over the years I did the very same thing only with the company of a smoke. And I kind of missed that. No, there was no craving. I was just reminiscing. And no, I have absolutely no intention to going back. I will, actually must, remain smoke free. But the "come hell or high water" gunge ho attitude is slipping away and a new reality is sinking in. I no longer smoke. So what...

Day 22, 12 Days "Quit"

Coming up on two weeks quit and I must say it has been reasonably easy. I have seriously tried to quit twice before, once with the patch and once with Wellbutrin also marketed as Zyban. A year and a half ago I failed miserably on the patch. The continuous nicotine replacement bothered me, especially at night. Six or so years ago I succeeded with Wellbutrin for about nine months. At some point something awful happened and I quit caring and started smoking again. I would have done it again had it not been prescribed for depression since. Chantix or cold turkey were my only real options at this point and so far I am pleased with the results.

Had a fun dream last night. I got to visit some people I had not thought about in a long time. Albeit in a rather unusual environment. More coherent than last nights dream and quite pleasant. Now if only I could shake this head cold and get into the gym!

Day 21, Ah - O...

After polishing off a second helping of buttery mashed potato's last night it occurred to me that I'm gaining weight. And that is one "benefit" of quiting I did not want. Were it not for the awful lingering head cold I would be going to the gym but I still can't breath properly and I don't want to push myself right back into full blown sick. It is time to be more mindful of what and how much I am eating. Something, thankfully, I have never had to do.

Odd Chantix dreams last night. Not bad, just odd. I have read about some horrible stories about possible serious side effects of Chantix and their consequences. I have not experienced anything of the sort and hope none of this is true or related. Still, it does give one pause.

Day 20, Sigh...Monday

Yesterday I caught up on housework and laundry then met friends later in the day. A typical Sunday, really. What was not typical, or I don't want it to be, is that I had a couple of puffs off a cigarette. I don't really know why and I feel a little foolish. But I'll "shake it off" and put it behind me. I just can't claim "not one puff" as I proudly did before.

The insanity of the work week is again upon us. Another day another dollar give or take.

Day 18, Smoke Free 1 Week

Well, I made it through a whole week smoke free. And it was not the easiest week. Far too much stress and chaos which normally would send me into a chain smoking tail spin but it did not. And you know, it was not that bad. My earlier fears and doubts whether Chantix would help and about my resolve were, it seems, unfounded. Unfortunately, having lost nearly two days of work to illness I am working today. How I long for some time off.

Day 17, Back In The Office

A day and a half out sick and you would think all hell broke loose. Not what I wanted to walk in to today. I think I am a little better but I sure don't want to be here right now.

Had a tough evening during and after a long, difficult and at times painful conversation with the ex. Were there a half smoked butt anywhere within sight I would have smoked it to the filter. I even very seriously considered buying a pack. But this was one instance where laziness saved me. I made it through. Last night, anyway.

Day 16, I Hate Being Sick

I'm a little late posting today. Yesterday I simply could not be useful in the office and returned home after a few hours. Much sleep and as much food as I could stomach and I think I am better today. The fever seems to be gone but my head still feels like a brick. Although the sleep was intermittent due to the inability to breath properly I did have a good dream.

It seems Dad decided to come out of retirement and return to the construction business. Thankfully, he had hired a very capable person to manage the daily operations thus relieving him of the stress. I arrived the day some "iron" was being delivered. Among the equipment was a mint condition Drott 40 like he used to own.


As the dealer stood recounting the machines history us he pulled out a pack of smokes, lit one up and offered one to Dad and me at which point we looked at each other and graciously declined the offer. Although just a dream it was good to get on that old excavator again. And how funny about the exchange between the three of us.

Day 15, Out Of The Blue

Some how I have developed a nasty cold. I am achy, I can't breath, and I've disposed of a mountain of used tissues. M I S E R A B L E ! Wasn't the point of all this to feel better and be healthier? That said it's day five smoke free and not even a little cheat. So hooray for me!

Day 14, Back To Work

Well, I made it through the day yesterday although I am not to sure about today. I met a couple of friends for sushi last night and drank too much sake. But I did not smoke, not even a puff. I was in such a rush to get to work this morning I forgot to take my little blue pill so we will see just how strong my resolve is.

Day 13, Grrrrrr...

It is Monday morning (happy Labor Day) and Quit Day plus three. I did well on Quit Day and yesterday with barely an urge. Today is a different story. I want one NOW! No, make that several. Hopefully, having just eaten and taken the little blue pill this will subside.

Day 11, Quit Day!

It's a quarter till Noon and not a single cigarette nor even much of a desire. After cutting down and allowing the Chantix to do its thing I began to realize I was smoking out of habit leading up to today. That is until my ex and I got in to a prolonged tiff. We spent the better part of last night chain smoking and arguing. Just like old times. Honestly I thought I would have to postpone Quit Day but I woke this morning, threw away the dirty ash trays (even my favorite one, good bye old friend...) and gave away the remainder of the pack. I then had a little to eat, a big glass of water, a blue pill and walked to the gym to sign the contract I arranged yesterday. So now I am a non-smoker. Damnit! And yes, I finally slept. Not so too well and no fun dreams but I did sleep.

Many many thanks for all the words of encouragement.

Day 10, So Far So Good

I am enjoying continued progress with the goal of tapering. Nine cigarettes all day! That is a new record. Another was a four hour period between cigarettes during the day - unheard of. I was busy working and when I normally would take one of those reward breaks I thought "why bother?" In fact when I finally finished work for the day I didn't really want one. But Quit Day had not arrived so I went ahead and lit one up for for the heck of it. Once home with a cool beverage they came a little more frequently but still, nine? I'm increasingly convinced I can do this.

It was another sleepless night, worse than Wednesday. I figure I will eventually become so exhausted I'll have to collapse. Strangely I don't feel that bad during the day. Perhaps inhaling a small fraction of toxins I normally do is having a beneficial effect. Do you suppose?

Day 9, It's Doing Something...

My first full dose day on Chantix brought mixed results. My goal of tapering has been easy and I smoked only eleven cigarettes when normally I would smoke thirty. It was no problem although the lethargy persists. The down side was nighttime. Tuesday night I had trouble sleeping and chalked it up to eating too much for dinner. (I hate to go to bed on a full stomach and I really don't eat that much anyway.) It appears I was wrong and am experiencing side effects because although I was in bed and I was under the covers and in vain I kept my eyes closed I slept very little. Too little. Despite its importance and my love of good sleep it does not come easily to me so this was very disconcerting.

I am all too familiar with drug side effects and realize this will subside in time but at two something this morning I began to wonder whether it was worth it. Then again, temporary lack of sleep does not kill; cigarettes do. Once I finally did sleep I enjoyed a vivid dream for all to short a time. It is not uncommon for me to have intense, lifelike dreams but this was particularly "interesting."

Knowing I am wont to enjoy the evening out after work tomorrow (Friday) I am pushing my quit date to Saturday, September first. That is an easy anniversary to remember.

Day 8, First Full Dose

Today will be my first full dose. One milligram in the morning with a light meal and one after dinner. So far no side effects aside from feeling lethargic. But that could be a lot of things. Now I am not exactly sure what to expect but yesterday afternoon I just didn't seem to have a taste for the cigarettes. That is they were somehow less satisfying. It could have been the heat as it was an unusually warm day and standing outside smoking in the blazing sun is less than pleasant. Or it could be the Chantix. The part of my daily routine I need to focus on is once I get home and relax in front of the television. It is too easy to light up mindlessly. It's a long ingrained habit. I bought carrot and celery for snacking and need to incorporate that into my evening routine. Otherwise I am cutting back and feeling pretty good about it.

Day 7, "Steady As She Goes"

I think, especially after the weekend, I got a little down and impatient. Some kind and thoughtful souls have reassured me and I feel better. I'll just focus on my little projects and have faith that the day will come whether it is day eight or not. Many thanks to those of you who have stopped by and left messages of support and encouragement. I don't feel like I'm doing this alone. Good luck to us all!

Day 6, Here's Hoping...

Yesterday was a bit of a let down. I didn't log my smoking and didn't make an attempt to cut back. I just behaved normally. Over brunch I spoke with an acquaintance who is on Quit Day plus three and taking Chantix. He claimed he didn't consciously cut back but did as a result of the drug. Cigarettes became unappealing, he claimed. Now I am only beginning day six on the drug but I have yet to experience anything like that. And I was hoping too. Hoping something would happen to make smoking less desirable thus easier to quit. Quit Day is technically four days away. We shall see. As for today I am back to logging my habit and doing the Get Quit exercises.

Day 5, Mixed Results

Saturday has come and gone with mixed results. I headed out for the day to run errands and such and left my pack at home. I checked out one of the local gym's which is a great facility and would do nicely except they do not have a rowing machine. I rowed in college and want to get back on an "erg." (The gold standard is the Concept 2 rowing ergometer. Anyone who has ever rowed likely has a special love-hate relationship with them.) Afterward I stopped by the bank, had a burrito for lunch, got my hair cut and did a little shopping. Normally an afternoon like this would include a cigarette between each stop but not yesterday. After a while I felt a little woozie but not bad. And with a fresh haircut I received a few complements making me feel extra special.

Later in the day I stopped by the local haunt where there was a memorial of sorts for a regular who had passed away recently. Between drinks and the pot-luck meal I broke down and lit up a few bummed smokes which blew my goal out of the water. Now I could easily get down on myself about this but in my experience beating one's self up for small failures is counterproductive. So, I'll log what happened and learn from the experience.

A few more chores today, mostly cleaning, and perhaps I'll treat myself to brunch. I am very keen on cleaning as I know the apartment smells awful. After six months of two heavy smokers in this little place it's going to take quite an effort to scrub in down, clean the carpet, and air it out. I just keep thinking how nice it will be once it is all done.

Day 4, The Weekend Is Here

Yesterday I was one over my goal of twelve cigarettes. I've been trying to cut out two a day leading to my quit date of Thursday August 30. It being Friday I headed to the local watering hole for Happy Hour after work, It's a locals place filled with friendly faces and supportive people. This would be a challenge so I left the pack at home. I broke down and bummed one during my two hour stay which I think is pretty good considering.

Today is double up day, increasing the dose from one half to one milligram. I don't believe there is enough in my system to have a serious effect so I am already pleased with the reduction I have managed. The pharmacy slapped one of those little warning stickers that it might cause drowsiness. I have felt a little more lethargic than normal but that could be any number of things including the power of suggestion. Otherwise so far I have not noticed any side effects.

I think the weekend will be a bit of a challenge as I am not stuck behind a desk for the majority of the day. Typically I have an aggressive to do list and end up achieving only a fraction of the items. This weekend I am focusing on projects to reinforce the quit. From the mundane like cleaning and cutting up carrot and celery stick to munch on while sitting in front of the television to checking out a couple of the local gyms. (I'm terrible about eating vegetables and I don't get enough exercise.) I have a vision of a happier, healthier, cleaner life without cigarettes. Time will tell if I have the will to make it happen.

The quitting community continues to surprise and inspire me. I have barely started and already others have reached out with words of encouragement. Thank you all.

Day 3, Positive Headed Into The Weekend

Day three and I face the weekend with enthusiasm. Aside from slipping a bit on my goal of fourteen cigarettes for the day I feel very positive about my prospects. (My biggest trigger is now crystal clear. How to deal with it is something I need to work out.)

Yesterday evening I grabbed my green bag and walked to the grocery for a few things. It's a trip I have made many times and like clockwork I know exactly when to light up so I'm done by the time I arrive at my destination. It's a three plus block walk past some local shops and bars and I decided to leave the cigarettes at home. Well, not only did I actually enjoy the walk I noticed the people on the sidewalk smoking and thought "that was me" and how unhappy and frankly unhealthy they looked. I felt good, not superior, just good. And I have not completely quit yet so I am really enthusiastic about the future.

Day 2, Reflection on my first day.

So far so good.

I enrolled in the GetQuit online support plan provided by Pfizer. I don't yet know how helpful it will be but I figured it can't hurt. There are daily activities and the first was to log each cigarette smoked and a few details. Like many, I've tried to quit before and one concept that is consistent is that of "triggers." Looking over my log for yesterday I see a big trigger: interaction with my "ex." (We have recently separated; it was a difficult and painful relationship.) In one hour I managed to smoke as much as I had in half a day. Otherwise I did pretty well and came in 2 cigarettes under my goal.

That goal was to reduce consumption by two a day for ten days prior to my quit date assuming a pack a day habit. (I fibbed when I claimed only a pack so I've had to be more aggressive than cutting two a day.) Still, I am on track and feel an unexpected sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Day 1, Getting Started

Today I started taking Chantix in an effort to stop smoking. Literally, less than an hour ago I took my first dose, one half of one milligram with a bagel and a large glass of water in the morning.

After twenty plus years it is (past) time to quit and I am hopeful that with the drug, some good advice and assistance from my health care provider and whatever will I can muster I will succeed. I am documenting my experience in the hope that it will inform and possibly inspire others to follow suit. (We all know what is best, however one quits.) I chose the assistance of this particular drug because I know others who have successfully quit with it. I do not at this time condone its' use nor am I an employee or agent of its' maker, Pfizer. (Nor am I a lawyer so that is about as legal as I can come up with.)

In addition to my experience with the drug, and perhaps more importantly, I intend to document what life is like after cigarettes. Especially after so many years. It is life changing and to be perfectly honest I am nervous. But that is the point isn't it. To be life changing, improving.

Of course, feel free to post questions and comments. I'll endeavor to respond as I continue to document my experience.