Day 38, I'm Off...

I am only working half a day so I can hit the road and beat the Friday commuter traffic. Naturally I am running behind and trying to pack a day's worth of work into a hand full of hours. I managed to sleep pretty well without Benedryl but also without my other prescriptions. I wondered what the effect of a belly full of various medications was doing so I elected to take only the Chantix. Of course I can't continue doing that but it was an interesting experiment.

Well, I am off for a quiet weekend. I wish us all continued success with our quit. See you Monday.

Day 37, Much Better...

Last night was so much better! I took a Benadryl before bed and with one brief exception slept through the night. I think Benadryl is pretty benign although it "drys me up" so I needed some water about an hour after going to bed. Otherwise I enjoyed a nearly restless nights sleep and oh the Chantix dreams! For example I've never sat in nor considered it but I believe I know what it is like to drive the obscenely expensive BMW 7-series ALPINA. And boy is it fast, scary fast. Of course the events leading to my taking this test drive were approaching surreal.

Twenty seven days smoke free, $203.00 saved according to GetQuit.

Oh, and my request for half of tomorrow off was approved. Yea! I'm getting the heck out of Dodge for the weekend! (That makes a total of two and a half vacation days this year. Jeez!)

Day 36, Toss, Turn, Repeat

Well I thought I was over the sleep issue but last night proved me wrong. By midnight I was up then back in bed and back and forth until about three. I remembered I had some Benadryl which can help with sleep so I took one. Apparently it worked or perhaps it was just exhaustion but either way I slept well afterward. In fact getting up was an issue. And the dreams. Very vivid and a little odd. Even "R" rated at times although not at all erotic. I'll try Benadryl before bed tonight and see if I can sleep undisturbed.

Day 35, I've Been Better...

The weekend fit my mood. The weather was overcast and gray and Saturday it rained half the day. Uncommon for San Francisco this time of year. Similarly, I was in a bit of a funk. Probably brought on by the weather but also recent events: the end of a failed relationship and extreme burn-out at work. Lord I need to take some time off!

According to GetQuit I'm twenty five days smoke free and $188.00 saved. Sleep is a little toss-and-turn but otherwise cruising right along...

Day 31, Three Weeks Smoke Free

Three weeks smoke free and I feel great. Now that the nasty flu like cold is practically gone and the pain is slowly subsiding. I may even finally make it into the gym. The only thing I have to complain about which may be a side effect is I have been waking up earlier than necessary. I love to sleep and it used to be the morning hours before rising for work were the best for some reason. Not any more. And it leaves less time for those entertaining Chantix dreams.

According to GetQuit I have saved $158.00 and the little meter indicates my seven day average urge to smoke is 2.8 of 10. Not bad, huh.

Looking forward to another smoke free weekend. Enjoy...

One Month On Chantix

One month on Chantix and twenty days smoke free. I had to open a new box with the four weekly packs this morning and thought "Do I really want to keep taking this for two more months?" Really, at this point why can't I do this on my own? But relapse is unacceptable and the drug is so effective I guess I'll stick with it at least for a while.

Has anyone stopped taking Chantix before the twelve week prescription and stayed smoke free?

Day 29 Today Is A Little Better

The pain may be subsiding a bit or perhaps it's the Ibuprofen. Either way it is manageable. I think I'll give it a couple of days and if it does not go away on its own I'll get a doctors opinion. (I am not convinced it is related to Chantix.) Otherwise, not much to report other than one more day behind me. That makes nineteen days smoke free.

Day 28, What A Pain...

Eighteen days smoke free, most of which I have been sick with a flu or nasty cold. I am finally shaking the sinus blockage and pressure and now something completely different is ailing me. I feel like a quarterback who was blindsided and got sacked. You know, one of those big guys puts his head down and crushes his shoulder into your ribcage. I have near constant pain in my left side. When I breath deeply or sneeze or cough or move suddenly - whamo! Real, serious pain. There is no bruising to indicate injury. I didn't fall down and go boom over the weekend. So where the heck is this coming from? I hope it is not a side effect cause I am happy with the results. Still I did look up some information from the Pfizer site and found this tucked away in the "full prescribing information" for doctors:

MUSCULOSKELETAL AND CONNECTIVE TISSUE DISORDERS. Frequent:Arthralgia, Back pain, Muscle cramp, Musculoskeletal pain, Myalgia.

Huh, sounds familiar. Now I am not going to jump to any conclusion but...

Also from the same document:

GENERAL DISORDERS AND ADMINISTRATION SITE CONDITIONS. Frequent:Chest pain, Influenza like illness, Edema, Thirst.

How many of us have experienced Influenza like illness? And I find the disclaimer interesting:

Following is a list of treatment-emergent adverse events reported by patients treated with CHANTIX during all clinical trials. The listing does not include those events already listed in the previous tables or elsewhere in labeling, those events for which a drug cause was remote, those events which were so general as to be uninformative, and those events reported only once which did not have a substantial probability of being acutely life-threatening.

Day 27, Survived Another Weekend

Well, it's Monday morning after one heck of a weekend. A roller caster of sorts with serious ups and downs. Despite it all I remain smoke free and actually thought to myself "I'm so glad I don't smoke" a couple of times. Walking up Hayes street toward Alamo Square being one of them. Whew! I would get seriously winded before. Not so yesterday.

During trying times I gravitate to my first home in San Francisco and old stomping grounds, Hayes Valley. Although it has changes over the years it still holds a very special and dear place in my heart. It's always good to go home.

Day 24, Two Weeks Smoke Free

Two whole weeks smoke free already - where does the time go? I am pleased to report that it has been much easier than I imagined and given that I have faith I will succeed. According to the little meter on the GetQuit site I have saved $105.00. Not bad. I still check in daily with the program and occasionally do the activity. Between that, attempting to post daily here, and follow the progress of other quitters I am regularly reminded of my goal. Many thanks to all those who have chimed in with support and encouragement.

So last night, between curious Chantix dreams, I realized something. Lately I had been reminiscing about and somewhat romanticizing smoking. I realized that although I thought cigarettes were a close, constant, reliable companion I was in fact a freaking drug addict. A (partially) socially acceptable addict but a damn drug addict none the less. Really! Who wants to be a drug addict? Cigarettes did not make me attractive or desirable or calm my nerves or relax me or any number of other reasons we thought we smoked. They owned me and I paid for the "privilege" with money and my health. Jeez!

Day 23, Ho Hum...

Almost two weeks smoke free and I am noticing a change in perspective or attitude. The "I'm going to tackle this thing and win!" is giving way to "whatever." Last night while watching the television I realized how many nights over the years I did the very same thing only with the company of a smoke. And I kind of missed that. No, there was no craving. I was just reminiscing. And no, I have absolutely no intention to going back. I will, actually must, remain smoke free. But the "come hell or high water" gunge ho attitude is slipping away and a new reality is sinking in. I no longer smoke. So what...

Day 22, 12 Days "Quit"

Coming up on two weeks quit and I must say it has been reasonably easy. I have seriously tried to quit twice before, once with the patch and once with Wellbutrin also marketed as Zyban. A year and a half ago I failed miserably on the patch. The continuous nicotine replacement bothered me, especially at night. Six or so years ago I succeeded with Wellbutrin for about nine months. At some point something awful happened and I quit caring and started smoking again. I would have done it again had it not been prescribed for depression since. Chantix or cold turkey were my only real options at this point and so far I am pleased with the results.

Had a fun dream last night. I got to visit some people I had not thought about in a long time. Albeit in a rather unusual environment. More coherent than last nights dream and quite pleasant. Now if only I could shake this head cold and get into the gym!

Day 21, Ah - O...

After polishing off a second helping of buttery mashed potato's last night it occurred to me that I'm gaining weight. And that is one "benefit" of quiting I did not want. Were it not for the awful lingering head cold I would be going to the gym but I still can't breath properly and I don't want to push myself right back into full blown sick. It is time to be more mindful of what and how much I am eating. Something, thankfully, I have never had to do.

Odd Chantix dreams last night. Not bad, just odd. I have read about some horrible stories about possible serious side effects of Chantix and their consequences. I have not experienced anything of the sort and hope none of this is true or related. Still, it does give one pause.

Day 20, Sigh...Monday

Yesterday I caught up on housework and laundry then met friends later in the day. A typical Sunday, really. What was not typical, or I don't want it to be, is that I had a couple of puffs off a cigarette. I don't really know why and I feel a little foolish. But I'll "shake it off" and put it behind me. I just can't claim "not one puff" as I proudly did before.

The insanity of the work week is again upon us. Another day another dollar give or take.

Day 18, Smoke Free 1 Week

Well, I made it through a whole week smoke free. And it was not the easiest week. Far too much stress and chaos which normally would send me into a chain smoking tail spin but it did not. And you know, it was not that bad. My earlier fears and doubts whether Chantix would help and about my resolve were, it seems, unfounded. Unfortunately, having lost nearly two days of work to illness I am working today. How I long for some time off.

Day 17, Back In The Office

A day and a half out sick and you would think all hell broke loose. Not what I wanted to walk in to today. I think I am a little better but I sure don't want to be here right now.

Had a tough evening during and after a long, difficult and at times painful conversation with the ex. Were there a half smoked butt anywhere within sight I would have smoked it to the filter. I even very seriously considered buying a pack. But this was one instance where laziness saved me. I made it through. Last night, anyway.

Day 16, I Hate Being Sick

I'm a little late posting today. Yesterday I simply could not be useful in the office and returned home after a few hours. Much sleep and as much food as I could stomach and I think I am better today. The fever seems to be gone but my head still feels like a brick. Although the sleep was intermittent due to the inability to breath properly I did have a good dream.

It seems Dad decided to come out of retirement and return to the construction business. Thankfully, he had hired a very capable person to manage the daily operations thus relieving him of the stress. I arrived the day some "iron" was being delivered. Among the equipment was a mint condition Drott 40 like he used to own.


As the dealer stood recounting the machines history us he pulled out a pack of smokes, lit one up and offered one to Dad and me at which point we looked at each other and graciously declined the offer. Although just a dream it was good to get on that old excavator again. And how funny about the exchange between the three of us.

Day 15, Out Of The Blue

Some how I have developed a nasty cold. I am achy, I can't breath, and I've disposed of a mountain of used tissues. M I S E R A B L E ! Wasn't the point of all this to feel better and be healthier? That said it's day five smoke free and not even a little cheat. So hooray for me!

Day 14, Back To Work

Well, I made it through the day yesterday although I am not to sure about today. I met a couple of friends for sushi last night and drank too much sake. But I did not smoke, not even a puff. I was in such a rush to get to work this morning I forgot to take my little blue pill so we will see just how strong my resolve is.

Day 13, Grrrrrr...

It is Monday morning (happy Labor Day) and Quit Day plus three. I did well on Quit Day and yesterday with barely an urge. Today is a different story. I want one NOW! No, make that several. Hopefully, having just eaten and taken the little blue pill this will subside.

Day 11, Quit Day!

It's a quarter till Noon and not a single cigarette nor even much of a desire. After cutting down and allowing the Chantix to do its thing I began to realize I was smoking out of habit leading up to today. That is until my ex and I got in to a prolonged tiff. We spent the better part of last night chain smoking and arguing. Just like old times. Honestly I thought I would have to postpone Quit Day but I woke this morning, threw away the dirty ash trays (even my favorite one, good bye old friend...) and gave away the remainder of the pack. I then had a little to eat, a big glass of water, a blue pill and walked to the gym to sign the contract I arranged yesterday. So now I am a non-smoker. Damnit! And yes, I finally slept. Not so too well and no fun dreams but I did sleep.

Many many thanks for all the words of encouragement.