Day 24, Two Weeks Smoke Free

Two whole weeks smoke free already - where does the time go? I am pleased to report that it has been much easier than I imagined and given that I have faith I will succeed. According to the little meter on the GetQuit site I have saved $105.00. Not bad. I still check in daily with the program and occasionally do the activity. Between that, attempting to post daily here, and follow the progress of other quitters I am regularly reminded of my goal. Many thanks to all those who have chimed in with support and encouragement.

So last night, between curious Chantix dreams, I realized something. Lately I had been reminiscing about and somewhat romanticizing smoking. I realized that although I thought cigarettes were a close, constant, reliable companion I was in fact a freaking drug addict. A (partially) socially acceptable addict but a damn drug addict none the less. Really! Who wants to be a drug addict? Cigarettes did not make me attractive or desirable or calm my nerves or relax me or any number of other reasons we thought we smoked. They owned me and I paid for the "privilege" with money and my health. Jeez!

Day 10, So Far So Good

I am enjoying continued progress with the goal of tapering. Nine cigarettes all day! That is a new record. Another was a four hour period between cigarettes during the day - unheard of. I was busy working and when I normally would take one of those reward breaks I thought "why bother?" In fact when I finally finished work for the day I didn't really want one. But Quit Day had not arrived so I went ahead and lit one up for for the heck of it. Once home with a cool beverage they came a little more frequently but still, nine? I'm increasingly convinced I can do this.

It was another sleepless night, worse than Wednesday. I figure I will eventually become so exhausted I'll have to collapse. Strangely I don't feel that bad during the day. Perhaps inhaling a small fraction of toxins I normally do is having a beneficial effect. Do you suppose?

Day 9, It's Doing Something...

My first full dose day on Chantix brought mixed results. My goal of tapering has been easy and I smoked only eleven cigarettes when normally I would smoke thirty. It was no problem although the lethargy persists. The down side was nighttime. Tuesday night I had trouble sleeping and chalked it up to eating too much for dinner. (I hate to go to bed on a full stomach and I really don't eat that much anyway.) It appears I was wrong and am experiencing side effects because although I was in bed and I was under the covers and in vain I kept my eyes closed I slept very little. Too little. Despite its importance and my love of good sleep it does not come easily to me so this was very disconcerting.

I am all too familiar with drug side effects and realize this will subside in time but at two something this morning I began to wonder whether it was worth it. Then again, temporary lack of sleep does not kill; cigarettes do. Once I finally did sleep I enjoyed a vivid dream for all to short a time. It is not uncommon for me to have intense, lifelike dreams but this was particularly "interesting."

Knowing I am wont to enjoy the evening out after work tomorrow (Friday) I am pushing my quit date to Saturday, September first. That is an easy anniversary to remember.

Day 5, Mixed Results

Saturday has come and gone with mixed results. I headed out for the day to run errands and such and left my pack at home. I checked out one of the local gym's which is a great facility and would do nicely except they do not have a rowing machine. I rowed in college and want to get back on an "erg." (The gold standard is the Concept 2 rowing ergometer. Anyone who has ever rowed likely has a special love-hate relationship with them.) Afterward I stopped by the bank, had a burrito for lunch, got my hair cut and did a little shopping. Normally an afternoon like this would include a cigarette between each stop but not yesterday. After a while I felt a little woozie but not bad. And with a fresh haircut I received a few complements making me feel extra special.

Later in the day I stopped by the local haunt where there was a memorial of sorts for a regular who had passed away recently. Between drinks and the pot-luck meal I broke down and lit up a few bummed smokes which blew my goal out of the water. Now I could easily get down on myself about this but in my experience beating one's self up for small failures is counterproductive. So, I'll log what happened and learn from the experience.

A few more chores today, mostly cleaning, and perhaps I'll treat myself to brunch. I am very keen on cleaning as I know the apartment smells awful. After six months of two heavy smokers in this little place it's going to take quite an effort to scrub in down, clean the carpet, and air it out. I just keep thinking how nice it will be once it is all done.

Day 4, The Weekend Is Here

Yesterday I was one over my goal of twelve cigarettes. I've been trying to cut out two a day leading to my quit date of Thursday August 30. It being Friday I headed to the local watering hole for Happy Hour after work, It's a locals place filled with friendly faces and supportive people. This would be a challenge so I left the pack at home. I broke down and bummed one during my two hour stay which I think is pretty good considering.

Today is double up day, increasing the dose from one half to one milligram. I don't believe there is enough in my system to have a serious effect so I am already pleased with the reduction I have managed. The pharmacy slapped one of those little warning stickers that it might cause drowsiness. I have felt a little more lethargic than normal but that could be any number of things including the power of suggestion. Otherwise so far I have not noticed any side effects.

I think the weekend will be a bit of a challenge as I am not stuck behind a desk for the majority of the day. Typically I have an aggressive to do list and end up achieving only a fraction of the items. This weekend I am focusing on projects to reinforce the quit. From the mundane like cleaning and cutting up carrot and celery stick to munch on while sitting in front of the television to checking out a couple of the local gyms. (I'm terrible about eating vegetables and I don't get enough exercise.) I have a vision of a happier, healthier, cleaner life without cigarettes. Time will tell if I have the will to make it happen.

The quitting community continues to surprise and inspire me. I have barely started and already others have reached out with words of encouragement. Thank you all.

Day 3, Positive Headed Into The Weekend

Day three and I face the weekend with enthusiasm. Aside from slipping a bit on my goal of fourteen cigarettes for the day I feel very positive about my prospects. (My biggest trigger is now crystal clear. How to deal with it is something I need to work out.)

Yesterday evening I grabbed my green bag and walked to the grocery for a few things. It's a trip I have made many times and like clockwork I know exactly when to light up so I'm done by the time I arrive at my destination. It's a three plus block walk past some local shops and bars and I decided to leave the cigarettes at home. Well, not only did I actually enjoy the walk I noticed the people on the sidewalk smoking and thought "that was me" and how unhappy and frankly unhealthy they looked. I felt good, not superior, just good. And I have not completely quit yet so I am really enthusiastic about the future.

Day 2, Reflection on my first day.

So far so good.

I enrolled in the GetQuit online support plan provided by Pfizer. I don't yet know how helpful it will be but I figured it can't hurt. There are daily activities and the first was to log each cigarette smoked and a few details. Like many, I've tried to quit before and one concept that is consistent is that of "triggers." Looking over my log for yesterday I see a big trigger: interaction with my "ex." (We have recently separated; it was a difficult and painful relationship.) In one hour I managed to smoke as much as I had in half a day. Otherwise I did pretty well and came in 2 cigarettes under my goal.

That goal was to reduce consumption by two a day for ten days prior to my quit date assuming a pack a day habit. (I fibbed when I claimed only a pack so I've had to be more aggressive than cutting two a day.) Still, I am on track and feel an unexpected sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.